hills & valleys

For months, my mind felt less like a place to do my thinking and more like a battlefield. Every time I wasn't distracted by work or friends or binging shows on netflix, I would end up feeling completely and utterly lost. Ever since I was a teenager I've had these moments that have always haunted me a little. I wake up in the morning, with that feeling of peace and calm but then before I've even opened my eyes, this existential dread just slams into me. What am I doing here? It always questions me. The kind of questions that I have no earthly clue how to answer. The kind of questions that terrorize my mind and leave me feeling entirely misplaced. Why am I here? I try to talk myself through it, rationalize whatever it is that I've been doing, whatever stage of life I happen to be in. It never feels like enough, it never feels like a good enough answer. I never seem to have the right answer; the answer my mind is looking for. What am I doing here? A few w...