hills & valleys

[sidenote: I have switched to a new blogging platform if you're wondering why things look so different] I'm about to get real with all of you. Over the past few years as I've struggled with illness and depression, identity crisis, and a million other issues of life – I've learned that the best way to heal is to be vulnerable. I have tried to be vulnerable throughout my healing process from depression and illness but there is one thing that I have yet to get vulnerable about. Today is the day that I'm going to take that leap. This has been a long time coming and this topic is one that God has placed heavily on my heart over the past few months. I have spent hours upon hours with God struggling through this issue, this thing that needs to be resolved. And we are not yet there, but I'm working each day to conquer the weight of these chains. I n s e c u r i t y : uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence. Insecurity looms over all of...

So very often in life we feel the need as followers of Christ to do more. To be more. We often feel that we need to serve more within our churches, or that we should read our bibles more, do more volunteering, spend more time in prayer, or even that we just need to be better, to do better. While all of these things we shame ourselves for not doing “enough” of are often good things, they do not define who we are in Christ and they don’t reflect our worth in Christ. When we think this way we quickly become self-focused rather than Christ-focused and grace-focused. When we live this way, we are living out of our own strength rather than living in God’s perfect strength. When we live this way, we aren’t living in the truth and freedom that Christ died for us to live in. You do not need to be more. You do not need to do more. What you do need, is to quiet down before The Lord – before you get upset with me for telling you what you need, let me just say that this is what we  all need...

*July 27, 2018 How did I end up here? This question has been running through my mind for the last couple of days. I know the technical answer to this question. I quit my job quite spontaneously, bummed around town for a few days soaking up the summer sun at my aunt’s pool, I had an interview for a position at a camp I’ve never been to before, was offered a position, and moved to camp two days later. And now I’m wondering:  how did I end up here? If you would have asked me just three weeks ago what I’d be doing this summer, “working at camp” wouldn’t have been even close to my response. It would have been more like, “Oh, I’m just working all summer and trying to save money.” But little did I know, God had another plan, as he often does. Which brings me back to my question..   How did I end up here? As I sit here, sitting in my suitcase, in my over air-conditioned trailer room that I share with three other girls, I don’t have a concrete answer to my question. What I d...

*June 29, 2018 “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” - Isaiah 55:9 NLT This verse has been on my mind a lot lately. I don’t think I fully understood the meaning behind it when I read it years ago. I just thought, God is powerful, ok. What I didn’t realize is how this verse and the ones following it are much more thought provoking and powerful than I had originally thought.  We often try to rationalize things in life. When hardships come our way, much too often we pray for God to take it away or fix it, and if he doesn’t, we get angry with him. Or, there’s the other end of the spectrum, when something bad happens to someone they may just throw their hands up in the air in defeat, and not even ask God to help or for healing in the situation, because they think that it’s not possible. But let me tell you this… Both of these scenarios (and I have experienced both), are perfect exampl...

*June 17, 2018 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.- James 4:10 I’ve been sitting here, trying to think of a way to describe my last couple of months, and even the last year in general that sums everything up. But how do you sum up moving to a new place, meeting tons of new people, being healed and in remission from chronic disease, new jobs, new paths, and ultimately a fresh start.  The word that keeps coming to me is “humbled”.  The Lord has taught me  a lot   over the past year. My spiritual life has taken on a new realm over the last twelve months and it all started when I moved to Peterborough. Which only confirms with me even more that God has been orchestrating every step of this journey. A little over a year ago, my friend and I had prayed and asked God to guide us in the decision of moving in together. We asked that if this was what he wanted for us, that he would provide us with a place we could afford, in a safe neigh...

*April 19, 2018 As I sit here on my bed, sipping on homemade iced coffee, enjoying a slow morning at home, I’m struck by how different my life is now than it was just one short year ago. I have never been this peaceful in all my life. The funny thing is, all of the things that I thought I needed to be happy or content, I really don’t need at all. I am whole and I am joyful. I used to think that in order to be truly happy I needed to have all the things I desired. Things like a job I loved, an instagram-worthy husband, a perfect body, steady finances, a savings account, children of my own, and all the little things that make up a so-called “perfect” life. And then my life came crashing down around me, and all of things I was striving for, desperate to have for my own taking, made me feel utterly worthless. I felt like a failure. Because instead of living a picture perfect life with the hip husband, the cute kids, and the cool job I was teetering on the edge of completely letti...