Skip to main content

Never Thought I'd Get Here

*April 19, 2018

 As I sit here on my bed, sipping on homemade iced coffee, enjoying a slow morning at home, I’m struck by how different my life is now than it was just one short year ago. I have never been this peaceful in all my life. The funny thing is, all of the things that I thought I needed to be happy or content, I really don’t need at all. I am whole and I am joyful.
  • I used to think that in order to be truly happy I needed to have all the things I desired. Things like a job I loved, an instagram-worthy husband, a perfect body, steady finances, a savings account, children of my own, and all the little things that make up a so-called “perfect” life. And then my life came crashing down around me, and all of things I was striving for, desperate to have for my own taking, made me feel utterly worthless. I felt like a failure. Because instead of living a picture perfect life with the hip husband, the cute kids, and the cool job I was teetering on the edge of completely letting go and giving up. Instead of the life I had dreamed for myself, that I so desperately wanted, I was laying in bed for sixteen hours a day. I was lost, depressed, and hopeless. I was the definition of a failure in my own eyes. I hadn’t achieved anything I had hoped to, and I was a shell of the person I once had wanted to be.
    Never did I think that I would get to a place where I could say that I am thankful that I went through that stage of my life. I was horribly depressed, a complete basket-case, hardhearted, downtrodden, hurting, lost, and incredibly sick. 
    ….. Fast forward about two years and here I am. My journey out of depression was painful and grueling. But that isn’t something I’m going to get into here, not now anyway. But my journey of growth is something that I will discuss.
    Once I was no longer living under the weight of depression pressing down on my shoulders, I was able to think more clearly. I was able to reflect on my life in a more positive way. I began to realize that all those things that I had desired and wanted for myself, wouldn’t bring happiness. The only thing can that bring you happiness, is you choosing happiness. But even happiness itself, is only temporary. What I needed, and what I have now found, is joy.
    Happiness is simply a feeling, based on circumstances. But joy…. Joy  is an attitude that defies circumstances.
    I only know of one place to find true joy. And that is in Jesus Christ. Maybe this sounds cheesy to you, or maybe it sounds fake. I used to hear this all the time, that only God can bring you true and lasting joy. Did I buy it? No. I looked at God as just an added bonus, but I still wanted, needed even, the husband, the kids, the job, the things.
    I’m sitting here laughing right now that I even thought that. The thought that God wouldn’t be enough for me is so foreign and laughable that I almost can’t believe that I had once believed that to be true. Because now, I could walk through any storm in life, any hardship, any heartache and I would still know joy. And trust me, I have already walked through many, and I am more joyful than I have ever been.
    I am not just content, I am joyful.
    God is my sun,
    My spring showers,
    My rich soil,
    And I am a tree,
    Living in his light.
    He nourishes my soul,
    He grounds me,
    Enables me to grow,
    To flourish,
    To bloom,
    To produce good things.
    He makes me into
    Something beautiful.
    Something
    I could never be
    On my own.

    “Happiness is smiling when the sun’s out. Joy is dancing in the downpour.”
    - Rend Collective

    Note to all who read this, especially if you are feeling stuck, hopeless, depressed, or alone: YOUR WORTH IS NOT DEPENDENT UPON WHAT YOU HAVE, HOW YOU LOOK, WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE MET YOUR GOALS, WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU, WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF. YOUR WORTH COMES FROM HOW GOD SEES YOU, THE FACT THAT JESUS HIMSELF DIED TO SAVE YOU, BECAUSE OF HIS LOVE FOR YOU. EVEN IF YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS EARTH, HE STILL WOULD HAVE DIED TO SAVE YOU. DON’T LET THE FACADE OF HAPPINESS, THE PICTURE OF HOW LIFE SHOULD BE, DETER YOU FROM LIVING YOUR LIFE. DON’T BE AFRAID TO BLOOM. GET VULNERABLE, GET HELP IF YOU NEED IT, FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE HURT YOU, FORGIVE YOURSELF, LET GO OF GRUDGES, LET GO OF JUDGEMENT, LET GO OF YOUR PRIDE, GIVE IT OVER TO GOD. LET HIM LOVE YOU, AND I PROMISE, THINGS WILL CHANGE.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Finding Contentment

Have you ever seen what God is doing in somebody else's life and wished He would do the same in your own? I have. I can't even count the amount of times I have seen God bless a friend with something wonderful but instead of praising God for blessing my friend I end up battling thoughts of envy, jealously, and discontentment. If we're being honest with ourselves – we've all been there. We've all looked at what somebody else has with envy. Whether we are envious of their wardrobe, their nice car, their relationship, their beautiful wedding, their well-behaved children, or their career. We have all experienced envy. In Matthew 20:1-16 we come across a simple parable called “Laborers in the Vineyard.” [I'd highly encourage you to get our your Bible and read this parable for yourself. It's always wise to get into the word of God on your own and not take what someone says about scripture as truth. Be discerning!] The parable begins by telling us th...
Post a Comment
Read more

For When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong

So very often in life we feel the need as followers of Christ to do more. To be more. We often feel that we need to serve more within our churches, or that we should read our bibles more, do more volunteering, spend more time in prayer, or even that we just need to be better, to do better. While all of these things we shame ourselves for not doing “enough” of are often good things, they do not define who we are in Christ and they don’t reflect our worth in Christ. When we think this way we quickly become self-focused rather than Christ-focused and grace-focused. When we live this way, we are living out of our own strength rather than living in God’s perfect strength. When we live this way, we aren’t living in the truth and freedom that Christ died for us to live in. You do not need to be more. You do not need to do more. What you do need, is to quiet down before The Lord – before you get upset with me for telling you what you need, let me just say that this is what we  all need...
Post a Comment
Read more